Tw’itanic?

We pick up a pebble, study it, launch it into a nearby pool of water, watch for a splash, and smile. We pick up a larger stone, weigh it up in the palm of our hand, fling it as far as an outstretched arm can reach, grin as the splash startles a nearby bird. We pick up a weightier rock, legs set firm, no let’s talk a run, launch that demonstrator of our cunning and strength and see if we can hit a target, yesss!  We look around for a boulder, heavier than us, roll it, roll it, to the cliff’s edge, and see it take on a spin of its own… It does, and what it takes in its path is a whole consequence of destruction as it tears down the hillside, bouncing off the rock face, loosening ground and wild tufts of growth, bringing it all tumbling down with a resounding crack, as it stamps itself upon the destination … we curiously wondered about.

It’s in the nature of human curiosity to explore, push out and back, and with much bravado sail into the unknown. And so Twitter was created and the surface gently skimmed by tweet pebbles, curiously looking for smiles.  Early adopters saw the opportunity to create ripples and came laden with strategies to create ways to build, delight and startle their audience. The media, by gush and by lash, called for attention, and sure enough the backlash of rock throwers and pebble skimmers created a wave-pool phenomenon, pulling the waters every which way, with new puddles appearing all over and increasingly straining the resources, like the holes in Swiss cheese.

What happened next was only a matter of time. A malicious boulder was bound to bowl in on the act and tear down those diligently created, lovingly narcissistic silky webs of the spinners and the spun. The question today is whether curiosity will unravel or consume what is left after the havoc.

 

Blog versus Tweet

It may be an attention span thing, but give me 140 characters over 3 solid paragraphs any day. At least that’s my excuse for the dusty, non-entries at my Clog versus my rapidly growing library of Sweet Nothings in the Twitterers’ ears. Until today, I hadn’t even linked one to the other, but needs must.

 

Today I introduce my Clog to my Followers and vice-versa…if they be so inclined. Welcome, welcome. One way or the other, it’s all virtual coffee to me.

 

Cobs, the Starbucks of bakeries?

Premium shopping experience may be on the slow with cutbacks at Starbucks, but there is no sign of slowing in the high-end bakery business. Whether this is because bread is truly a staple good in economic reasoning, always in high demand regardless the price, or whether loyal consumers have come to rely on the same flavoursome, high quality wares at every outlet, premium service at the respectively rounded-up prices, sampling galore and generally happy smiles from the Barista-equivalent Cobbers, remains to be seen.

So far 50 franchises have risen across 3 provinces (most notably in BC where the erstwhile Australian brand was launched in 2003) with a vision to add another 35 baker’s dozens to the map. In the US, where there is currently a single store in WA, the goal is to launch 5000 bakeries - which is an average of 100 per state, or roughly one Cobs to two Starbucks.

That’s a big vision, especially considering that the coffee giant is closing ten times the number of stores that currently even carry the Cobs logo in North America. Now that could be a deal in the making: Starbucks premises sold to Cobs, along with comfy seating and an onsite espresso machine. They clearly already share a target group, why not a common cause? 

 

Nourishment for the soul

So this is how advertising works:

1. Half listen to ads on commute radio, trying to dodge early morning traffic jams.
2. Go about your business, feel like you’ve done a good day’s work, think about taking a break, see a familiar sign and pull over.
3. Walk towards door, notice new posters in yellows and browns, think “Nice”.
4. Inside see friendly, calming green being sported by the employees, think “That’s new”.
5. Scan the blackboard for what’s on offer and see new beverage, think “Hhhm, might try that”.
6. New beverage arrives in very own branded cup (“made with 45% fewer carbon emissions”).
7. Put two and two together and realise I’ve been Starbucked.

I don’t really mind, because I believe good marketing deserves its rewards. Rolling out a new product and not supporting it with all you’ve got would be wasting the only opportunity to make a good first impression. Whether the new Vivanno smoothie will fill the gap of hot sandwiches over the lunch hour remains to be seen. Touted as healthy, we all know it contains ingredients far too addictive for that, especially if you add a shot of espresso as I did. On top of which, I’d like to see how they get “one whole banana” in each of these little sample cups grass-skirted baristas were handing out yesterday!

 

Don’t hold your horses.

Whoops, there goes another American brand… as the Belgian owners of Stella Artois snatch up Budweiser. Perhaps it’s not such a bad match, as beer critics suggest one brand is pretty much as bland as the other, which would explain why each relies so heavily on big advertising spend to differentiate and create an image of ‘cool’ or ‘premium’ or ‘traditional’ horse-heritage or whatever the current strategy calls for.

 

Joining those other non-US brands like IBM’s PCs (China) and 7-Eleven (Japan), the latest brand to change hands will have to focus on local market share erosion as national pride is likely to dig in its heels. The point is to reassure and sustain mass interest, as there is nothing more powerful than the backlash from alienated loyal consumers.

 

With Starbucks’ marketers coming out in force with traditional media campaigns (radio and press ice-cube ads), online loyalty programs (sign-up and get free stuff) and more sampling than ever, plus a PR campaign that boosted the share price upon the announcement that 600 stores were closing (weird that), you might wonder who is stalking the Mermaid’s lair.

 

One thing is clear, any company tightening its marketing purse-strings in an economic downturn needs to fire its accountancy department. Now, more than ever, is the time to use horse sense with your marketing budget and consistently remind your target audience that you are still out there.

 

I’d rather be washing windows

than making cold calls. Yet I know people who get a real kick out of picking up the phone and dialling a fresh new number to enrapture the unknown voice on the other end of the line. Hello, did you know that I could make a big difference to your life… 

So it is time to hone in on those skills as practice makes, you know. And being a woman who can multi-task, I might just wash those windows at the same time: 

Hello, isn’t it a gorgeous day? The sun is desperate to pour through those grand windows of yours, but is struggling to find a way in through the grime. Imagine a clear, sparkling view of the first crocuses pushing up the slumbering soil of your garden. See that purply-white splodge turn into a crisp and beautiful flower!  

Ahm, you have a window cleaner?  

Well, consider the secondary benefit of saving money on the window cleaner AND on fitness classes while reaching, stretching, swiping and gliding over those windows yourself. It’s more than a money-saver; it’s a way of life! 

You live on the 35^th floor? 

Well, yes, and what a glorious view of the mountains you are missing out on because your view is obstructed by the dirty little particles on the inside of your window. 

It’s pouring with rain? 

Well, yes, it is Vancouver, after all. Have a nice day.

 

Bob on Advertising

Did you hear the one about the Bob who stood at the pearly gates and admitted he hadn’t called before he dug? Bob also hits a fine ball on the green and knows the easy way to buy office stationary. Bob’s an expert eco-friendly investor, an authority on long-distance calls, and works part-time as an accountant. Busy guy, our palindrome friend. Or is he an acronym?  

As busy as the copywriter behind all of these radio commercials? Or are you telling me there’s some sort of secret Bob contract that ALL copywriters in every Canadian ad shop have to sign up to? Whatever their intention, by blending the name of every character in every ad, from insurance choices to the right sports brand, into a patchwork Bob, they are distracting from the product or service they are supposed to be promoting. Our Bob brand may have started as a bit of a bet around the coffee pot (highest Bob score in any given commercial break wins), but it appears the tables are turning. A few cases of inverse distraction to pay homage to your regular Bob on the street and what happens? Clients start insisting on hiring the infamous Bob to star in their 30” radio spots. 

Inevitably all the bobbing around is leaving the paying brands high and dry. Whatever will they do next to not make their marque stand out from the crowd?

 

International coffee habits

As I was saying, there’s something to be said for the smoke-free environment of Starbucks in Germany, despite Janice Turner’s rather fun-to-read post. While she does have a point about great German coffee, it comes at the price of service without a smile and a fog of cloud and none of those comfy seats.

What I can’t believe about Starbucks is that they’re turning the whole experiential thing into a cheap commodity to vie for some of the lower-end market space. Is there nothing sacred? If I wanted a swig of black I could try any one of a thousand outlets and regret the $1 option.

On the subject of price, it is true that Caffé Nero in the UK offers a stronger brew for less dough, but I’d argue that was to compensate for its nicotine environment, at least until the smoking ban came into effect last year. That’s the real difference between Brits and Germans – never mind that it’s law, a ban on smoking in public places just isn’t taken seriously in Germany, where not even the police are enforcing a penalty if they catch you smoking.

 

What Logo?

Whenever I rave about the green mermaid and receive a blank raised eyebrow in return, I remind myself I live on planet logo and the person before me does not. Do they even see the double-tailed (a rarity in itself) maiden of some nobility, beautifully perched inside the magic mirror of your cravings…? Has anyone ever considered the fate of her rope-jumping voluptuous predecessor of a bygone age? Did the Buck give rise to the greening of her frame? Did the world demand a more politically correct hair length? Is our Star this generation’s Mona Lisa?   

You don’t have to hail from a parallel universe to enjoy analysing the swoosh on a fabric canvas, interpreting the colour medley of a radio commercial, deciphering the hidden meanings of “Because you’re worth it”, but it helps. Especially when it comes to considering your own style of branding, because sometimes you have to step outside of yourself to critically ask: what is the personality I wish to portray, what is my unique brand?
 
Are you thinking serious or cute? Intricate or simple? A plethora of colours or a stylish monotone? A word or two, a visual depiction, both, or none of the above? Whatever you do will require careful consideration. What do you need to communicate and why? How are the others in your field putting their best side forward? And how can you be sure that what is unique about you, is best reflected in your branding?
It’s probably a good idea not to work in isolation on this one. It’s also a time when you might not wholeheartedly want to trust your best friend’s eager affirmation that every one of the 53 scribbles is “spot on”. It took several attempts for the mermaid to look as she does today, so take your time and get your tonality right, too.

 

 

Sweet White Elephants

Grouse Mountain, our local ski slope on the North Shore, has opened for business, so it’s officially time to get with the white. How appropriate for the heavens to open on the same weekend and sugar-sprinkle our lawns so that we can quickly try out the Snow Elephant – it  can be done, with plenty of Frappuccinos to get you in the size. 

How charming to see the iced peaks outlining Vancouver when the clouds roll aside. I am assured the view will soon be even better. Half a century on, Vancouver’s last giant rooftop billboard is finally heading south. Erected long before skyline restrictions were in place, the 4-decade old battle to de-clutter our resplendent view has reached a costly closure: deconstruction costs are set to cleanly wipe out all advertising revenue in one fell swoop. Never mind that building heights have continually inched up, and the city’s Skyline Study informs us that Vancouver’s flat (no British pun intended) skyline would benefit from a splash of buildings to exceed current height limits and provide a more contemporary vista. All the while augmenting those protected corridors of view of our natural North Shore beauties.

Cool. Or should I say sweet?